Blessing in Disguise

I was in a car accident nearly a month ago. Don't worry, I'm OK. That's not the reason why I haven't posted a new blog in the last three weeks. I have no excuse for not writing.

But the point of this blog isn't why I've been such a slacker, but the blessing that came out of the car accident.

The accident happened on the Garden State Parkway. Phillip and I (we were in separate cars) had just entered the Parkway, an expressway where the cars are easily driven 80 mph. A couple of minutes after getting on the highway, the car in front of me started breaking, so I started breaking. I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed the car behind me wasn't slowing down. I thought "I'm going to be in a car accident," and then WHAM! I was in a car accident.

The car behind me slammed into me, causing me to run into the car in front of me. This caused the woman I hit to run into the car in front of her. Fortunately, no one was hurt. I had a cut on my bottom lip, but refused medical attention at the scene. However, a couple of hours after the accident, my right hand and wrist were bruised and the entire right side of my body was sore. So, Phillip took me to the ER, where we spent four hours to learn that nothing was broken or sprained.

If you're waiting for the blessing, one is that I survived a four-car accident on a busy highway, and two is that because of the accident I'm going to go from a $500 a month car note to no car note at all!

My 2008 BMW 328i was only eight months old when I had to put her down. Because she was so young, my insurance company valued my car at nearly what I paid for it. So, after State Farm cut BMW Financial a check, I walked away with a nice amount. It probably also helped that I put down a sizable down payment (see my June 30, 2008 blog).

Anyway, because of the leftover money, I am buying a 2008 BMW 328i candy apple red coupe tomorrow IN CASH! We got a great deal because it's an '08 with 9,000 miles. And what's weird is that before I purchased the '08 sedan in June, I looked at a 2008 red coupe, but couldn't afford it. Now, I'm finally getting what I want  - the car and no car note!

Blessings come in the strangest forms.

Things a Woman Should Know about Style

I just read "Things a Woman Should Know about Style" by Karen Homer. 

I bought it for three reasons: I think I have style sometimes, but strive to have it all of the time; for the picture of Audrey Hepburn on the cover (she's definitely a style icon) and it was $7.99 at Anthropologie.

I highlighted statements throughout the book that I either agreed with or thought were funny. 

Here they are: 

• It is the flagrant lack of practicality that makes high-heeled shoes so fascinating.
  

I thought this quote made so much sense that I tacked it to the top of my blog about how much high-heeled shoes hurt. High-heeled shoes hurt like heck, but they are so beautiful, which is why I continue to wear them.

• Accessories are to girls what DIY gadgets are to boys. Gratifying for a while, but you always want a newer model.

I couldn't agree with this more. My husband, however, doesn't think there's a correlation. I love bracelets, necklaces and rings. He loves his CSI 2120 dual channel vibration analyzer and his Panametrics AT868 ultrasonic flow meter, whatever those are! I'm always looking for that next great piece of jewelry and Phillip, well...

• You are never too fat for your accessories. 

I loved this so much that it was my facebook status yesterday. I have fat days more than I'd like to admit, but on some of those fat days, I still want to go shopping. Hence the previous item. While my pants size may go up and down, my shoe size and ring size will always be a six.

• The most enduring accessory of all is jewelry. Jewelry should be acquired over a lifetime of inheritance, extravagance and self-indulgence. Buy carefully or cheaply. Preferably don't buy for yourself at all.

Self explanatory. 

• Diamonds really are a girl's best friend. Especially big ones.
  

Again, self explanatory.

• Don't just buy because it's cheap.

How many times have you bought something that was either too small (and you thought you'd lose weight to fit into it) or just wasn't that great because it was cheap? Don't.

• (When looking for a style icon) never copy a woman who has had breast implants.

I have nothing against breast implants, I just thought this was random and funny because it was the only time Homer mentioned implants in the book. Homer suggests Nicole Kidman or Halle Berry as icons.

• Carry yourself well. Walk tall and proud.

Your back will thank you.

• At parties leave your bag at home. Make your boyfriend carry your lipstick in his pocket.

...and your keys, blackberry and business cards, etc.

• Don't buy designer rip-offs. So what if no one else knows. You do...Think of a bag as an investment.

I've been guilty of hitting Canal Street to buy designer knock-offs, but after I bought my first real designer bag about two years ago, I just can't bring myself to buy a fake bag. There's something about carrying a real designer bag that makes you feel good. And if you buy the right one, it will be timeless.

• You will always need more than one handbag. In fact, you can justify an almost limitless number. Like shoes, handbags are something a girl can always do with more of.

Something else that just makes sense.

• Fur coats are unsuitable for women under 40 years of age or 5'5''.

What? I'm 33 and have wanted a fur for years. And I don't think I'm going to wait until I'm 40 to get one. I'm not sure where Homer is going with this. She explains the height factor: "Short, round women in fur look like Mrs. Tiggwinkle," she wrote, but doesn't address the age issue.

• And lastly, style comes from the inside, so until you are happy in your own skin, you won't look good in anyone's else's.
  

I couldn't agree more!

Now, go and be stylish!

One-armed host should spark diversity discussion not dissention

Cerrie Burnell has ignited a controversy in London because the one-armed actress was hired by the BBC as a children's television host.

Burnell was born with an incomplete right arm that ends in a stump at her elbow and parents are worried that the host's arm will scare their children.

Most children are naturally inquisitive and ask innocent questions that many adults are embarrassed by. And Burnell said children do ask questions.

"Children come up to me in the street every day and say 'What's that?' I wouldn't say they're frightened, but certainly they're inquisitive," Burnell said in an interview. ''I would always take the time to explain to a child. All they want is an explanation."

But while children want an explanation, adults wanted Burnell off the air. Parents complained to the network that their children would have nightmares after seeing Burnell. Rather than complaining to the network, parents should have used the situation to explain to their children about differences and diversity and how to appreciate and respect them.

Sir Bert Massie of Great Britian's Equality and Human Rights Commission said, "I think what's happening is a number of adults do have prejudices, do have very negative views about disabled people, and instead of admitting the views are their own, they're projecting them onto their children."

I hope the parents who complained take a second look at the situation and their insecurities with people with disabilities and teach their children to embrace the diversity in people, not fear it.

Red Box Block

My husband and I used the redbox last night for the first time. We rented "Swing Vote." I gave it a C+ and Phillip gave it a solid B+.

If you're not familiar with redbox, it's a red box - literally - that dispenses movies for $1 each. The movies are due back by 9 p.m. the next night. The redbox has all of the new releases that Blockbuster and Netflix have, but for a much cheaper price, which may explain why some of the Blockbuster stores are closing.

There are more than 12,000 redboxes across the United States. It's convenient to just run into your local grocery store, Wal-Mart, etc. and select a movie. The box spits it out. And it should be just as easy to return the movie.

But when I went into my local grocery store tonight, I couldn't immediately return the movie because the redbox was full. 

What?!

A message appeared on the screen indicating that the redbox wasn't accepting videos because it was full. I was instructed to find another redbox. It was 10 minutes to 9 p.m. and I didn't know where the next closest redbox was.

Yes, the late fee would have only been $1, but it's the principle that the redbox should be convenient, but it wasn't. 

A second after I received the "I'm too full to eat another video" message, another customer walked up. I asked him to go ahead of me because if he rented a video, the redbox would hopefully accept mine.

It did.

I lucked up tonight with the customer walking up right after me. But I would have had to pay an unnecessary late fee if I would have missed the deadline for no fault of mine. 

I understand that redbox is new, but I hope the execs are working out the kinks to make returning videos as easy as it is to rent them.

Budgeting 101

For the six years after I graduated from college, I was living check to check. I was a struggling journalist, with a starting salary at my first paper in 1997 of $22,000. I was told by a college counselor that you should at least be making your age in thousands plus two when you graduate from college. I was 22 when I graduated. I didn't make the cut.

In 2000, I left Tennessee for New Jersey to write for a larger paper. My salary was around $24,000 when I left and it jumped to $37,000 when I moved. But even with the bump, I was moving to a place with one of the highest cost of livings in the nation, not to mention the highest car insurance in the nation. I got two raises in the 14 months at that paper before I was promoted to a larger paper within the company and that came with a decent raise. Two and a half years later, I landed at my dream paper and my salary doubled! That was 2003. And for the first two years I was there, I was getting raises every six months!

Since 2003 I have not lived on a budget. I wasn't living check to check. I could buy $100 shoes without thinking about it; $1,000+ bags and not feel the hit. I bought a BMW. I was shopping freely and not worrying about the bills getting paid, because there was plenty of money to go around.

But now, I am forced to live on a budget again. I took a buyout in December from my dream paper. I was fortunate enough to get a year's salary and benefits and I'm collecting about half of my salary from unemployment, but the job front is so depressing right now, it may take me longer than a year to find a job.

So, I enrolled in a debt free and budgeting class at my church. I'm three weeks into the nine-week workshop. Since then, I've curbed my spending and thinking twice about my purchases.

Here's a list of what I've done so far to save money:

• I use Chanel mascara, which is $30 a tube. I ran out two weeks ago. But rather than buying another tube, I found some L'Oreal mascara that I got free at an event. The brush wasn't nearly as good as the Chanel brush, so I'm using the Chanel brush in the L'Oreal mascara. $30 saved.
• I like to get a facial every eight weeks. The facial is $90. I knew I wanted to continue that treat through my unemployment, so I asked for spa gift certificates for Christmas to get me through a few treatments. When I got a facial on Friday, it was free for me, and that included the tip.
• I had a subscription to O at Home, which recently folded. I got a postcard in the mail the other day saying the remainder of my subscription would be transferred to O, The Oprah Magazine, but if I didn't want O, I could get my money back. I have enough magazine subscriptions, so I opted to get my money back. $17 saved.
• Phillip and I aren't crazy about leftovers and end up wasting a lot of food. But for the last two weeks, I've been making meals that will last three nights, like lasagna or soup. If food is left after three nights, I freeze it rather than throw it out.
• I've been freelancing, which provides a few hundred dollars a month.
• And I used a cobbler for the first time in my life. I have some really cute black boots, but the sole needed repairing. The old me would have thrown out the boots and spent about $150 on another pair. Instead, I paid $25 to have the boots repaired and now, they will last at least one more season.

It's been a slow process, but each effort will add up to budget success.

Celebrity should not have bought Phelps' freedom

A South Carolina sheriff said yesterday that he didn't have enough physical evidence to charge 14-time gold medalist swimmer Michael Phelps with smoking marijuana from a pipe after a photo of the Olympian surfaced in a British newspaper last month.

"We had a photo and him saying he was sorry for inappropriate behavior. He never said, '"I smoked marijuana,'" the sheriff said.

When do police not charge a suspect because he didn't admit to the crime? If that's all that had to be done, then future law breakers I hope you're taking notes. You can be in the picture doing the crime, then apologize for the behavior, but as long as you don't admit to the deed, you'll get off scott free!

If it were you or me in the photo and police got their hands on it, we'd be charged. 

Even though the sheriff said Phelps is obligated to "obey the laws of our state," I can't help but believe the swimmer was given special treatment because of his celebrity status.

While he won't be charged, Phelps was suspended from competition for three months from USA Swimming and Kellogg Co. dropped him as a sponsor.

This was Phelps' second strike and he's gotten off easy both times. In 2004, he was arrested for drunk driving and pleaded guilty, but didn't do any time.  I hope he's learned his lesson because on the third strike, the police, sheriff or judge may not be as lenient.

Are high heels worth the pain?

"It is the flagrant lack of practicality that makes high-heeled shoes so fascinating." --Stephen Bayley

I have about 40 pairs of high-heeled shoes, from boots (calf and ankle) to open toed to mary janes and strappy sandals. I love the look of a high-heeled shoe, but if you asked me if I prefer high heels to flats, flats would be my answer without a doubt.

Flats are comfortable. They are cute and they work with pants, skirts and dresses. High heels can be very sexy, but comfortable, they are not!

In an attempt to be sexier for both myself and my husband, I decided to ditch the flats this past weekend and don some high heels. We had plans in the New York City Friday night - we saw Esperanza Spalding at the Jazz Standard. Because it was in the City, I wanted to get dressed up, so I wore these BCBGirls patent-leather booties my husband surprised me with a couple of months ago. They have a sexy three-inch heel, which makes me think they were more a gift for him, than me. 

But I digress.

These booties are adorable, but I can only get about a half hour of standing in them before I want to chop off my feet. Once in the city, we walked about eight blocks from the train station to the club. First mistake - we should have taken a cab. Then, we waited on line for about 30 minutes. By the time we got to our table, my feet were on fire. But they calmed down during the concert and afterwards, we took a cab back to the train station.

Saturday night, still trying to be sexy, I wore another pair of high-heeled booties. I've had these Steven shoes for at least six months, but have never worn them out of the house. I put them on one Saturday I was planning to have lunch with friends in NYC and never made it out of the house. The pain was ridiculous. I grabbed my flats that day.

Well, I thought I'd give these shoes another try, since there would be very little walking that evening. The walk from the parking lot to Christopher's in New Brunswick was about four minutes. I made it there without a problem. However, the pain set in at the table. Just sitting there, my feet started to hurt. I don't think the shoes are too small, they went on comfortably enough, but maybe it was the newness and the fact that they hadn't stretched, but lord have mercy, my feet were killing me by the time we left the restaurant.

So, the four-minute walk back to the car was painful. I was doing the walk you see women do when they look like their feet hurt. You know, the half limp, half still trying to be cute walk?

I couldn't wait to get out of those shoes!

Sunday morning, when the alarm went off for church, I jumped out of bed and landed on a huge cramp in my left calf. I could barely walk. It was those damned high-heels all weekend. Ugh! 

According to the American Podiatric Medical Association (APMA), 42 percent of women admitted they'd wear a shoe they liked even if it hurt; 73 percent admitted they already have a shoe-related foot issue.

Women will always wear high-heeled shoes and even I will eventually pull mine back out of the closet, when my calf stops hurting. So, the APMA offers the following tips for women who wear high heels:

1. Get the best fitting high heel as possible.

2. Cushion, cushion, cushion, That's for the bottom of your feet because with age, we lose fatty deposits on the bottom of our feet.

3. I know they aren't as cute, but we should wear a thicker heel for more stability.

4. Pay attention to the slope or pitch of the heel.

5. Wear open-toed heels to relieve pressure on corns and calluses.

When marrying for love isn't an option

I had an interesting and surprising discussion tonight with a close friend about when do you give up on love and marry for companionship and shared goals.

The discussion spawned from us talking about a book, "Love Walked In," by Marisa De Los Santos, in which two characters married because they had spent a lifetime as friends, but weren't really in love with each other when they tied the knot.

I mentioned that I didn't understand why anyone would marry for anything but love. My friend, who is single and in her 30s, said the thought has crossed her mind. 

I was shocked to hear her say this. I told her that, for me, love is up there with trust and respect. Why marry if you don't marry for love? 

She said if she remains single, it may come down just being able to find someone she shares common goals with and with whom she can raise a family.

Still shocked, I told her that she might as well have an arranged marriage. I said I would rather she scratch off items from her wish list, such as no kids or some other baggage, before she gives up on love.

"You would just be marrying for companionship," I said.

"When you're alone, companionship becomes really important," she replied.

I completely realized that I was coming from a different - married - point of view, but I still think marriage is too serious a step to create a union with someone you're not in love with. It would be torture waiting for the day when you fall in love with that person.  

Oath Do Over

President Barack Obama retook the Oath of Office last night after Chief Justice John Roberts flubbed the words during Tuesday's inauguration ceremony.

I gasped twice during the oath - when Obama jumped the gun on the first line and when it appeared he forgot the line about faithfully executing the Office of the President. My heart actually sank when Obama tripped up because I knew millions of eyes were watching and some actually wanted him to mess up. 

I quickly found out - thanks to MSNBC - that it was the judge who messed up the line and not the president and immediately felt badly for him. It was such a special moment for Obama that he could never have again. 

Even with the president and judge stumbling their way through the oath, those words didn't matter. According to the United States Constitution, the change of power takes place at noon, whether the oath has been said or not. The oath was taken at 12:04 p.m.

But even with the certainty of the Constitution backing the legality of the office, the White House counsel suggested that Obama and Roberts redo the oath. I can only imagine that the moment was terribly anti-climatic and may have over shadowed the first oath.

I didn't think Obama should have retaken the oath, but I guess he wanted to be more safe than sorry since there are people who would have tired to challenge his title.

Mr. President

Today, history was made.

Barack H. Obama was sworn in as the nation's first black president.

My husband and I planned to attend the inauguration and even went as far as to book a hotel room in D.C. in May, in anticipation of Obama's victory. But, since we didn't get tickets to the swearing in, and knew we'd have a better view at home, we decided at the last minute to avoid the crowds and cold weather and watch the festivities from our warm home. 

Whether in New Jersey or the nation's capital, the day was filled with emotion. I got chills at the first look of then the president-elect and his wife as they entered St. Joseph's Church. And I cried when Obama walked, coolly and calmly, down the hall before exiting the doors onto the Capitol where he took the oath of office.

I've mentioned this in my blogs before, but it's so amazing to me that America has a black president. I'm 33 years old and I didn't think this would happen in my lifetime. But today, a black man was sworn in as the president of the greatest country in the world. He stood on the same steps that his ancestors built. Amazing.

When I pray for my family and friends at night, I will include the first family. I will ask God to protect them, to give the president the insight to lead with humility and to embrace with courage the enormous responsibility that now lies on his shoulders.