My family or yours?

I'm not good at compromising, but I'm working on it.

I've known this about myself from the first major argument with my sisters when we couldn't agree on where to go for summer vacation circa 1984. I wanted to go to Disney World and I wasn't backing down.

One would think that since I've been married - four years this October - that my compromising skills have improved. Let's just say I have good and bad days.

Today started off as a bad day, but turned out good.

About three weeks ago, my husband and I agreed to host a July 4th barbecue for his family, who lives two hours away at the Jersey shore. Because of scheduling problems, the cookout was slated for Sunday, July 6.

Earlier this week, I found out that both of my sisters would be in Memphis visiting our parents for the holiday weekend and I so wanted to be there! My sisters and I are extremely close. We talk with each other everyday, even if it's just a two-minute conversation. And other than Christmas, we're hardly all ever in the same place at the same time, so when the opportunity arose, I jumped on it.

I asked my husband if he thought it would be rude for us to host his family June 29, the Sunday BEFORE the 4th. I explained that since the initial cookout wasn't on the actual holiday and half of his family probably wouldn't make the two-hour trek up the Garden State Parkway anyway, then they would hopefully be OK with us moving the date.

He was upset for about three minutes, then agreed to reschedule. He said he didn't think his family would be upset and he understands that I don't get to see my family as much as he gets to see his.

I was on cloud nine. I immediately got online and found some plane tickets, but I wanted my husband to talk with his family before I purchased them. In the meantime, I told my parents and sisters that my husband and I would be joining them for the 4th. Everyone was excited.

A day went by and my husband still hadn't talked with his mother. While they were playing phone tag, I mentioned the situation to two close friends, who thought I had acted totally selfish.
One friend even said, "Sometimes, you have to cave in."

Their reactions surprised me. Because they were my friends, I assumed they would have sided with me, would have understood where I was coming from. But they said I was in the wrong. Their words got me to thinking: maybe I was wrong for asking my hubbie to change the date; maybe his family is truly looking forward to spending time with us at our home.

So, I called my husband, hoping he still hadn't been able to reach his mother, and told him that we would host the cookout on the date already scheduled.

I will be thinking about my family July 4th weekend as they light up the grill in Memphis, but I'm part of a couple now and that means putting what's best for us before what's best for me.