When marrying for love isn't an option

I had an interesting and surprising discussion tonight with a close friend about when do you give up on love and marry for companionship and shared goals.

The discussion spawned from us talking about a book, "Love Walked In," by Marisa De Los Santos, in which two characters married because they had spent a lifetime as friends, but weren't really in love with each other when they tied the knot.

I mentioned that I didn't understand why anyone would marry for anything but love. My friend, who is single and in her 30s, said the thought has crossed her mind. 

I was shocked to hear her say this. I told her that, for me, love is up there with trust and respect. Why marry if you don't marry for love? 

She said if she remains single, it may come down just being able to find someone she shares common goals with and with whom she can raise a family.

Still shocked, I told her that she might as well have an arranged marriage. I said I would rather she scratch off items from her wish list, such as no kids or some other baggage, before she gives up on love.

"You would just be marrying for companionship," I said.

"When you're alone, companionship becomes really important," she replied.

I completely realized that I was coming from a different - married - point of view, but I still think marriage is too serious a step to create a union with someone you're not in love with. It would be torture waiting for the day when you fall in love with that person.  

Oath Do Over

President Barack Obama retook the Oath of Office last night after Chief Justice John Roberts flubbed the words during Tuesday's inauguration ceremony.

I gasped twice during the oath - when Obama jumped the gun on the first line and when it appeared he forgot the line about faithfully executing the Office of the President. My heart actually sank when Obama tripped up because I knew millions of eyes were watching and some actually wanted him to mess up. 

I quickly found out - thanks to MSNBC - that it was the judge who messed up the line and not the president and immediately felt badly for him. It was such a special moment for Obama that he could never have again. 

Even with the president and judge stumbling their way through the oath, those words didn't matter. According to the United States Constitution, the change of power takes place at noon, whether the oath has been said or not. The oath was taken at 12:04 p.m.

But even with the certainty of the Constitution backing the legality of the office, the White House counsel suggested that Obama and Roberts redo the oath. I can only imagine that the moment was terribly anti-climatic and may have over shadowed the first oath.

I didn't think Obama should have retaken the oath, but I guess he wanted to be more safe than sorry since there are people who would have tired to challenge his title.

Mr. President

Today, history was made.

Barack H. Obama was sworn in as the nation's first black president.

My husband and I planned to attend the inauguration and even went as far as to book a hotel room in D.C. in May, in anticipation of Obama's victory. But, since we didn't get tickets to the swearing in, and knew we'd have a better view at home, we decided at the last minute to avoid the crowds and cold weather and watch the festivities from our warm home. 

Whether in New Jersey or the nation's capital, the day was filled with emotion. I got chills at the first look of then the president-elect and his wife as they entered St. Joseph's Church. And I cried when Obama walked, coolly and calmly, down the hall before exiting the doors onto the Capitol where he took the oath of office.

I've mentioned this in my blogs before, but it's so amazing to me that America has a black president. I'm 33 years old and I didn't think this would happen in my lifetime. But today, a black man was sworn in as the president of the greatest country in the world. He stood on the same steps that his ancestors built. Amazing.

When I pray for my family and friends at night, I will include the first family. I will ask God to protect them, to give the president the insight to lead with humility and to embrace with courage the enormous responsibility that now lies on his shoulders.

Thank you, Dr. King

I feel safe in writing that today's observance of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday means more this year than it has in the past.

It's more than a day off from school or work, more than a day to lounge around the house, vegg out and watch T.V. It's a day to reflect both the sacrifices of the past and the opportunities of the future. 

Tomorrow, when President-Elect Barack Obama will be sworn in as the nation's 44th president and America's first black president, would not have been possible without the struggles of Dr. King and the rest of the soldiers in the Civil Rights Movement. 

It's amazing to think that just 40 years ago, Obama would have had to drink from a "Colored Only" water fountain, would have had to sit in the back of the bus and probably would have been turned away from the voting both.

But because people wanted change, not just on Nov. 4, but over time, I was able to walk in a voting booth without being harassed or threatened and vote for a black man. It literally warms my heart.

While America still has work to do to make sure everyone has equal opportunity, I cannot help but think that Dr. King is sitting in Heaven smiling because his dream has been achieved.

Thank you, Dr. King.

  

Big box ain't so bad

I've had a membership to someone's wholesale club, be it Sam's, Costco or BJ's, for four years, but today was the first time I actually used it for what most people use their memberships for - buying everyday household items in bulk.

My husband and I got our first membership right before our first annual holiday party. We needed a place to buy tons of appetizers and liquor at rock-bottom prices. We belonged to Sam's Club then. We paid $40 for the annual membership and stepped foot in the warehouse once that year  - the day we got the membership.

The next year, we accidentally let the membership expire before we bought more appetizers and liquor for the holiday party, so we renewed, bought what we needed that day and never visited again.

When we returned the following December, we found out that Sam's wasn't selling liquor anymore, so we decided to try BJ's, even though that warehouse didn't tell alcohol either.

After paying the $35 membership fee, we bought the appetizers and returned the following December, which was last month. We thought we would have to renew the membership, but found out it expires next month. We made a vow then to visit BJ's a couple of times before the membership expired.

I've never liked bulk shopping and really didn't want to take the time to make room in our closets for 150 rolls of toilet paper or a super-sized bottle of Tide that's large enough for 500 loads. But today, I finally saw what all the fuss has been about: saving money. 

You really can't beat 16 bars of Lever 2000 for $7.49 or four tubes of Colgate Total, plus a toothbrush, for $9.99. I found four giant containers of Clorox Wipes for $9.49; 200 Glad freezer bags for $7.99 and 48 Swiffer mop pads for $12.49. I also found great deals on Ocean Spray cranberry juice, Windex, Puffs Plus, Tilex and a couple of books.

I used to laugh at the folks who would stuff their closets with those giant household items, but now, ours are stuffed - with savings! 

It's so hard to say good-bye

Kendall and Kaylee left about 10 minutes ago and I'm more sad than I expected.

They were with us since Monday and it was a busy week of mostly chasing Kaylee, the 17-month-old, around the house, making sure she didn't put anything in her mouth, telling her to stop, sit down and no. 

We were busy doing arts and crafts with Kendall, who is seven years old, walking around New York City and playing computer games.

There were also tons of hugs and kisses with both.

We went to bed tired every night, but it was worth every minute.

The house is eerily quiet right now. There's no one to watch. No laughter or crying in the background. Just Phillip and me. And that's fine for now because Kendall and Kaylee are welcome back anytime!

An American Experience

Since I have so much free time now, I'm seriously considering creating a book series that comes with a doll to sell.

The idea isn't new. It popped in my head today when I was in American Girl. 

My niece, Kendall, and I went into the city today and we both had our first experience in an American Girl store.  These dolls are $95 each and they don't pee, sit up, say your name or wash the dishes. Nothing! Nearly $100 for a doll that's supposed to teach little girls how to be women who make a difference, according to the website.

It was packed in the store and nearly everyone was buying at least one doll and an outfit.

I bought the doll, an outfit and a pair of eyeglasses, since Kendall wears glasses, for $145.

So, after you shell out all that money for a doll, you can take her to the hair salon where the doll can get her hair styled like the little girl's hair. The girl can also pick out a hair style from a poster displaying about 30 'dos. The dolls are actually placed in little salon chairs and a smock is draped around the doll while a store employee styles her hair. Too much!

There's also a hospital in case, heaven forbid, something happens to the doll. When Kendall and I checked out the hospital, a little girl was leaving her doll and it was going to take six to eight weeks to repair whatever was wrong with the doll.

Girls can have their birthday parties there for $65 a person. I paid less per person for my wedding four year ago. And they can also have brunch at the store.

I admit that got sucked into the American Girl experience, or maybe it was the sweet look on Kendall's face when she asked for a doll. But I'm not mad at the creator; I just wish I had thought of it first. 

Rock-A-Bye Chandra

Have you ever rocked yourself to sleep? 

I did three times in the last two days while trying to rock my 17-month-old niece to sleep. I've never felt the sheer exhaustion I've experienced the last three days. It seems as if I go to bed tired and wake up tired. My niece is at the age where everything is interesting, so I'm constantly running after her. I spin four times a week, so I think I'm in pretty good shape, but I'm more tired after chasing after a toddler all day than an hour-long spin class, where I burn 600 calories.

The first time I rocked myself to sleep was yesterday afternoon. I was sitting in my office rocking Kaylee to sleep. All of a sudden, I felt her rubbing my shoulder because the rocking stopped. I had fallen asleep.

The second time was last night. I was humming the ABCs and heard Kaylee mumble something because the humming stopped. I had fallen asleep.

And the third time was about 90 minutes ago. Kaylee had fallen asleep on the way home from the mall, but by the time we got her inside, took of her shoes and changed her diaper, she was awake. The plan was not to rock or hum this time. I thought that if I sat in the rocking chair in the dark that she would drift right back to sleep. She didn't go to sleep, but I did. I woke up when I felt her trying to slide down my legs.

If only Kaylee could fall asleep as fast as I have these last days...

The New Year brings limits

My husband and I swore off going to New York City on New Year's Eve three years ago after a disastrous night at a club.  

We were with five other couples who prepaid for tickets. One couple's name wasn't on the list, so they never got in. I left my brand new digital camera in the bathroom and of course it was gone two minutes later when I realized it and the free bar was a good idea in theory if there had been more than three bartenders for 500 people. It took nearly 30 minutes to get a drink. And the train ride back is always standing-room only because so many New Jerseyans go into the city for the new year and leave right after midnight.

We had had enough and vowed never to go into the city again unless we had a house party to go to. For the last three years, Phillip and I had candlelight dinners at home on New Year's Eve. He grills and I make the sides. We get dressed up for each other and use our fine china. It's always been a wonderful night.

This year, we got an invitation to a house party from our friends Carla and Michael who live in Maryland. Michael, a law professor, has a year long teaching assignment at New York University and the school provided a three-bedroom apartment for him by the school. We had to turn down the invitation because my nieces, Kendall and Kaylee, are staying with us for the week.

When I offered to keep my nieces I knew it would include New Year's Eve, but my love for them overshadowed the night. Plus, we hadn't been invited to the party yet.

But last night was filled with mixed emotions. I was happy my nieces were with us, but sad that we didn't have the option to go into the city for the party. I truly felt the limits of parenting. One of the reasons why I've held off on having children is the limits they place on your life. Not having any options last night really drove home the point of how much a parent's life revolves around a child's. 

Phillip made a delicious fillet mignon, but I could hardly enjoy it because Kaylee, the 17-month-old, who already had dinner, wanted to sit in my lap while I was eating.  We didn't have time to get dressed up because of the kids and we completely forgot about bringing out the fine china.

While I am happy to see another year, last night was the saddest New Year's Eve I've experienced in a long time.